Book of Moe
Chapter 8; Verse 12

Gentle gamers, I bring good news! For on this day, a generation of rockers is born! And they will come to us wrapped in a sexy black box lying on a retail shelf! The trumpets of heaven (and hell) will sound, for it is here! Roaming amongst us on upon this earth… and its name is Guitar Hero II!

That said, lets forego the pleasantries this time and get straight to the money shot…

This game goes to 11.

Our scales only go to ten, but Guitar Hero II goes to 11. Do you see how the II looks like 11? That is a necessity, not an accident, for what are you to do if a game is rocking really hard and you need just that little bit extra to push it over the top? You go to 11, because that’s one more than 10. You see? 11 is one more than 10. It’s quite simple, actually.

I said it one year ago and I’ll say it again. Holy Crap!!! I am, once again, having more fun than I have ever had playing any game!

If you, for some reason, were the least bit concerned Guitar Hero II would not live up to the hype, take that concern out back, dig a shallow hole, shoot it in the head, cover your tracks (you won’t want anyone to know what a pussy you were), grab your wallet, you can leave the passport behind as it is not illegal to kill a concern, and get your doubting ass to your nearest game retailer. If you already have the original game and one guitar, buy the bundle. Trust me, you will want the extra guitar… that is, if as a human, you don’t suck.

By this point, there is no question as to the success of the original Guitar Hero. After spending a mere 10 minutes with that game last November, I knew Harmonix had done something very, very special, but I was far more pleased to see that nobody could keep the game in stock. This is the perfect party game. It is the perfect family game. It is the perfect game for non-gamers, as well as an excellent tool for teaching rhythm, if you’re into that sort of thing (I’m looking at you, music teachers). And if you still don’t buy the strength of its mass appeal, ask someone you know who hates rock to play the game and check back with them in a couple of weeks. I’ll bet they now know words to songs by bands they would have pissed on if given the opportunity. I’m not going to say the music is anything for the ages… but you will be hard-pressed to find someone who isn’t grinning like a platinum-selling rock star after a brief stint in the spotlight. The real beauty surrounding the success of this franchise is both developers and the gaming community have now overwhelmingly demonstrated that a game which does not encourage killing, degradation, defiling, stealing, pimping, fraud, gambling, drinking, smoking, or otherwise general mayhem can outsell nearly everything else in the industry. Not only that, but its allure is so strong that it is also selling new systems for a single game in the twilight of its production years. We at Team Fremont, home of videogame podcast Team Fremont Live, know of at least 30 instances where the game was sold based on our recommendation and another 5-10 that had to buy the system, too. And those are just the ones who wrote back to say thank you… which we still get on a weekly basis.

But enough erotic massage for the fine people at Harmonix… let’s get to the ROCK!

What’s new in Guitar Hero II? For starters, there are over 60… yeah, I said 60 mouth-watering tunes. That’s right… SIX album’s worth of music. From that perspective alone it’s worth every penny, but can you plug in your fish guitar (as in a big, green fish) and play along with the bands on your other albums… as Death? I think not! Other items included in this tasty, tasty meal are: Shout at the Devil, War Pigs, Sweet Child O’ Mine, YYZ, Psychobilly Freakout, Jessica, Message in a Bottle, Strutter, John the Fisherman, Hangar 18, and many, many more! And speaking of food, what did the nice folks at Red Octane gently bundle with your freshly baked Cherry Pie, by everyone’s favorite, deliciously white trash band, Warrant? A shiny, new cherry red guitar, of course! What a delectable treat to accompany some of America’s finest prose! You’ll probably also want a case of warm Busch to complete the experience… and a mesh trucker hat. Green looks nice on you.

The game both feels and plays the same as before, but there seems to be a little more detail thrown in throughout. The sets are more intricate and they freakin’ RULE! The characters have more definition and as promised, there a few more to choose from. My personal favorite is Lars Umlaut. He’s a Norwegian death metal cat, roughly the size of a garbage truck. Not only are there more rockers, but this time around you can buy additional outfits for their wardrobe. Kick Ass. I have always wanted to accessorize a rock star! For you redneck homophobes out there, take a good look at your favorite band… a really long look… now look at a Cosmo magazine at the Ben Franklin where you live, then drive yourself to the nearest mirror. Those guys look like $15 hookers from Wally’s Truck Emporium… and you love them. There is a lot of testosterone on stage, but there is far more hairspray and white leather pants. Get over it.

The set lists are back, but now there are eight categories instead of six, each becoming progressively more difficult as before. Unbeknownst to us in our first go around, the last song in each list is unlockable as an encore. The stage goes black, the people continue to chant, and then you are asked if you would like to play an encore. You answer “yes” because you are not Kevin Federline or a lame-ass pussy, and are introduced to your first “encore” tune, which them becomes available for play from the set list upon completion. The first encore is “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” by Spinal Tap, perhaps the greatest rock band ever to grace this great earth. In a tribute to rock, the movie Spinal Tap (punch yourself in the mouth and then rent it if you have no idea what it is), fine humor, and all that is right with the world, the tune ends in the only way it can. If this is new to you, here’s a hint… think about that stylish mesh trucker hat keep your eye on the drummer.

Thankfully, Star Power is still around and as kick ass as ever! Something I meant to mention in my review of the original Guitar Hero, but missed has to do with this little extra and the obvious depth of musicianship within the Harmonix development team. Aside from the kick-ass lightning strike when you successfully navigate a Star Power passage, something that adds just a little more to the game is where these occur. They are not scattered at random, but rather placed at structurally important points in the tunes; such as at the end of phrases, sections, or to coincide with a particularly face-melting lick, which everyone knows should always end with a lightning strike. It is the many instances of great attention to detail such as this that combine to create such an amazingly perfect game/rock experience.

New to Guitar Hero II, and something I had wished for in the previous, is a practice mode. THANK YOU!!! Now, instead of slogging through an epic rock anthem only to have your ass handed to you eight bars into the guitar solo, the conscientious rocker can head to the woodshed, as we in the business say, and hammer though those tough passages. The design for this could not have been better constructed! Not only is the tune divided into many small sections, allowing you to pick the spot that hurts the most, but you can even adjust the speed… and when you slow it down, a metronome clicks along to help you stay in time. The selected section loops until you are satisfied with your progress, at which point you may either add more of the tune to the practice session or head back to the stage in the hope that you have actually learned something. If not, have no fear, your loyal fans will boo you off yet again in an exaggerated display of disgust and rage over your pathetic inability to finish the damn tune because you stayed up all night doing lines of blow off the bellies of hookers… or because you didn’t practice enough. God, I love this game!

Multiplayer is back and greatly improved, if you can believe it. I will admit I found myself frustrated at times, during multiplayer in the original game because I would have to wait for my turn to play, since the guitar track was divided into two parts. Not only that, but the only mode was a competitive structure, which is cool, but I didn’t always want to compete with my band members as they would often end in a band meeting; and we all know those are never good. Never again, I say! Now you can play as a cooperative rock duo, with one on lead and the other playing either bass or rhythm guitar, depending on the tune. YYZ on bass. That’s all I have to say. Unlike the competitive mode, which is still there, if you wish to use your star power in cooperative, the two of you need to point your mighty axes to the sky simultaneously. After all, how the hell is a band supposed to summon the gods of rock if the choreography is all sideways? The greatest addition of all, however, is the ability for each band member to pick his or her own difficulty level. No more do the Van Halens of Guitar Hero have to play with the 15 year-old Timmys from next door. Now all can enjoy the majesty of this creation at a level that will not punish, but reward all rockers, except Hair of the Dog. I can’t stand them.

The store is back where you can spend your hard-earned cash from the road and purchase all things rocktastic. New characters (Death kicks even more ass now!), new guitars, new skins for the guitars (I recommend leopard), more videos, and more tunes for your set list. Here is where you will find such classics as Trogdor, by Strong Bad, as well as Thunder Horse by DETHKLOK, the Norwegian death metal band from Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. Mixed in are the many indie bands from in and around Boston (where Harmonix is located), bands from the developers at Harmonix, the winner of the Guitar Hero II submit your song contest, and other up and coming talent. Some are great, some…eh, but it doesn’t matter, because like all tunes in both Guitar Hero games, they are fun as hell to strum along with and pretend that 20,000 people give a rat’s ass what you’re doing.

The replay value is as high as ever with Guitar Hero II. Aside from the fact that the music almost never gets old, which should alone be enough to keep you coming back, there are now unlockable guitars for completing each of the difficulty levels and some for achieving a five-star rating on all tunes in the set list… even on expert. God Dammit! This is a welcome addition, since there was very little reason to play through the easiest levels in the original if you caught on quickly, and it is a nice reward for those who are diligent, if not naturally predisposed, little rockers. Now, figure out a way for me to have a "freeplay" mode so I can actually create the music and I will brand my chest with your logo.

The only downer to Guitar Hero II is the price tag, and it's a hefty one at $79.99 USD. If you are coming up short, here are a few ideas: Donate plasma. At about $20 session you'll need to make at least 4 visits. Or you could donate sperm. That pays around $65 per... uh.... release. Then you could probably get another $15 from that guy in the alley for a solid hand job. Either way, this is your problem, not mine.

I can’t possibly articulate how impressed I am with this game, or for that matter, it’s developer Harmonix. You people are something else! Guitar Hero is far and away the greatest creation I have ever seen for a home gaming system. Based on many things, but most importantly its appeal to all ages and walks of life. I have yet to encounter a soul who did not enjoy their time with the game, which includes my 87 year-old grandma who spent most of her life as the church organist. Enough said. Too much praise? Not at all. I’ve always believed if someone does something amazing, you recognize it as such. Harmonix has earned every ounce and every penny, which appears to be many! This is a simple game with premise everyone can get behind; rock your sloppy brains out and have a great time doing it! My good friends at EA would be well-advised to pull their heads out of their asses and take a long, hard look at Harmonix, as they seem to have derived a real recipe for success.

Keep the rock rockin’!


For more on Guitar Hero II, be sure to check out the 11/12/2006 episode of our podcast, Team Fremont Live!



Article By: Moe